Wednesday, July 20, 2011

All Type 1 Diabetics ARE NOT MANIPULATIVE!

Sometimes I just feel like what I mean to say doesn't turn out the way I mean to. I made a comment on a blog, and I guess it was really upsetting to the author. Since I am sure many have seen it and realize it was me, HERE is the link. 

I defiantly meant no offense to this woman that is trying hard to take care of a T2 diabetic husband who, from what is posted is non-compliant, and uses his D to get out of doing everything. I do realize that there are diabetics, probably a quite a few that have these behaviors, but as for myself and many others in the DOC, WE DO NOT!

In my own defense and what I feel is the defense of others working hard with D. We are all not manipulative. 

This was in the post written as a response to my comment:
(The words in red are taken from her blog post) 

If you tell me it's cruel to use a label - you are trying to influence me to do something else.  That's manipulation.

Do you:
ask someone to carry glucose tabs with them in case you go low?
expect someone else to give you orange juice or something when you go low?
ask someone else to eat at a specific time because you need to?
ask someone else to limit carbs, sugar....any foods they might like because you don't eat it?
think someone else should call 911 when you pass out.....because the love you?
think that the person you are in a relationship should want to help you because they love you?
ask someone else to make room in their refrigerator for your insulin, or make room on the shelves for your medical supplies?  
do you give consideration for what other's might feel when they see you injecting yourself?
do you expect someone else to assist you with your injections?

To my own defense, 
*I NEVER ask people to change their lifestyle for me. 
*I never expect people to carry sugar or glucose tabs/
* I NEVER tell people to limit what they are eating or ask someone to eat differently because of me.
* My insulin doesn't take up that much space.
* Would imagine that my husband would help me with something I needed, the same way I would help him with anything.
* I try to hide when I am pumping and giving shots, but am NOT ashamed to be a T1 D. It's life plain and simple. I am sure people with walkers, handicap stickers, wigs from chemo, etc don't worry if they are putting people out by being seen.
* I have always done my own injections, and site changes, my husband does offer to help sometimes so I can utilize other injection areas. I would never force anyone.
* I work very hard, most people think I am a healthy individual and would never know otherwise.
* I would call 911 if my husband had a life threatening problem, and would hope that any person, family or stranger would do the same. He has severe Asthma, and I would be right on top of that if there was a problem.

And that, my dear, is the problem with diabetics.  So fast to make slow to accept responsibility.  The fact that you can work circles around a healthy person has very little to do with's how you treat those healthy people, what you expect/ask/want them to do for you.  

"That is the problem with Diabetics"
THIS comment hurt me pretty badly. I am not fast to make accusations, and realize that this poor woman has been through HELL!  I accept responsibility and usually grieve alone, so that I don't put upon others. I suffer in silence, and put on a smile through pain, just so "healthy people" won't worry themselves about me. I don't expect them to do anything for me.

My life has been difficult (health wise), but I have chosen to be happy with what I have, despite all that has been taken from me. Being a T1D has made me a better person. I am not perfect, far from it. I would imagine that ANY person who had ANY sort of disease, wouldn't want to be negatively labeled as a whole.  I treat EVERYONE with respect, but do defend what I feel is right. I work hard to show that T1Ds are like everyone else. 

"So fast to make slow to accept responsibility"
This contradicts EVERYTHING I read in the DOC. Post after post is nothing but sacrifice and taking responsibility! 

I am TRULY sorry if I offended this woman, and openly apologize for doing so. I hope things will be better for her. AT the same time, although our opinions differ I will defend my position and the position of those working hard everyday!


  1. Rachael, I stand behind your comment 100%. True everyone is titled to their own opinion. However, I also have a very big problem with labeling (yep, I said it too!) all people with diabetes as being manipulative. I would go to the ends of the earth for my little girl to help her manage her diabetes, and I'm pretty positive that there is no manipulating me to do that! Sounds like she needs to vent for all that she does for her husband...ok fine. But your point is very substantiated that the way that her diabetic husband acts is NOT true for all diabetics. And the part about so fast to make accusations, so slow to take responsibility - that can describe a million types of people - sure some may have diabetes, but I don't think that is what makes them that way.

    I'm sorry that you felt attacked by this woman's label...I feel the same way for my daughter. I think she needs to edit her post to say that HER DIABETIC HUSBAND IS MANIPULATIVE!

    Hugs to you dear Rachael!

  2. I read her post that you commented on originally and it sounds to me that she's in a situation that is way more complicated than just her husband's T2. If she's allowed herself to be manipulated by him for as long as it sounds like (just from her windows needing to be repaired example) and if she's contemplating going back to her sisters (obviously she's left him before) then she's made her own bed to lie in. Yeah, maybe that's harsh, and I'm a firm believer in sticking by someone you love, but if it's truly making you miserable and it's a pattern that won't go away, then either get out or stop complaining about it and attacking others because of it.
    You were merely speaking from your perspective, and the perspective of a LOT of other T1s, who don't manipulate anyone, much less loved ones, because of D. To make a statement that all PWD are manipulative is offensive! My 7 year old is manipulative because she needs help managing her T1...hell to the no!

    OK, stepping of soap box now...not sure where that all came from....
    I say wipe your hands of this, keep your chin up, and go chase around those cutie pie chickens for a while!!! ;)

  3. Thanks Denise and Misty!!!!!
    I was feeling pretty upset about this incident this morning.

    Denise I agree too, that if you love someone, you do care about their well-being.

    I read through some of her posts and found out that there is a group of these women that hide out in secrecy complaining about their husbands with D! I was appalled when I read that they do it to vent so they can be "loving wives". That's far from loving!

    I know it's hard to care for someone with health problems. I work at a Retirement Community! I see what happens and the sometimes pure Hell people go through. It's hard. It's hard to see someone you love suffer. At the same time it's hard to be the person suffering! I HATE when I am in the hospital or ill. I know it causes people to worry. I don't like doing that, but there is nothing I can do about it. It's not from lack of taking care of myself. You would think with an A1c of 5.8-6.3 you would be doing well, but D has it's own way.

    Well, I'm on my soapbox now too I guess. I just couldn't let someone tear down all the amazing people I know on the DOC that are changing not only their families lives, but doing for everyone! No one messes with my D peeps! I LOVE you guys!

    Two final thoughts....

    #1 Hello! They have a little something called DIVORCE! They would BOTH be better off!

    #2 Heaven forbid, she gets a disease before she leaves this life!

  4. Holy COW! I could not even begin to understand what the hell she was talking about. The "911 part" was really concerning.

    I would steer clear. I don't think she is worth our time or effort. Clearly she is not a nurturing, empathetic individual. And. I cannot even begin to describe her "accusations". UGH.

    Love you Rach.

  5. I have seen her blog many times. As the mother of a type 1 and wife to a type 2 who I do wish took better care, I found her blog negative, insulting, demeaning, and honestly degrading to her husband.

    Your comment was true to heart and well intentioned. Don't even stress her as Reyna said not worth it.

    I wonder if her husband does what he does cause of how she acts.

  6. I'm stumped... what the hell is her issue? She has free will to tell her husband no. She has every right not to help him. If things are so terrible, there is always the door. Hall ass woman!

    I expect my husband to help me.
    I ask him to go to the store.
    If I am sick, I think he would help because he loves me... he better!
    Does this make me manipulative or does it mean I have a partner?

    She sounds like one bitter old bitty. I hope she is not like that IRL.

  7. Girrrrl, I wouldn't even worry about it. Seriously. You expressing your opinion about labels was just that--an opinion. There is a BIG difference between using persuasion and using manipulation. I saw your comment and didn't think it was rude at all. I thought it was stated pleasantly and in a very PC way. I totally get that some people use D to their advantage, BUT I don't think it's the D part doing that--I think it's the person and how they deal with the world. And I get that blogs are a place to vent and how you present yourself on your blog may not be how you truly are in real life, but that isn't justification for someone making you feel attacked. When I was first diagnosed, I didn't want anyone to help me...I didn't want to feel different in any way...I wanted to be able to handle everything. Over the last few years, other people have told/showed me it's OK to ask for help--they WANT to know and they WANT to help. I now no longer have issues asking people for help or telling them what I need. I also understand that it might be frustrating for the other loved one to be frustrated by someone who does not take care of him/her self. We all want our loved ones to be healthy and happy. I get that people sometimes lash out when really they are just concerned and don't know how to show it in the best way possible. BUT it's all about respect--if the people we love show us respect and love, then we will do anything for them. If the people don't show us that, then that's a different story.

    Ok, maybe that's enough rambling for now. For the record, I think you stood up for yourself and other people in the DOC. It is unfair to say that all diabetics do this or don't do that. It's unfair to categorize people into "all" statements, especially if they've done nothing to deserve that unfair allegation. And that's what I think you were trying to say. Keep on keeping on! :)

  8. Hey Rachael, I went through this lady's blog and read her two posts you talked about and then some others. seriously, this woman just sounds like a bitch. I think that her husband isnt helping her paint the windows because he wouldnt want to spend time around her. him not liking her has nothing to do with his health problems. she probably is in denial that her marriage sucks and blames it on everything but the truth.
    your comment was a totally reasonable thing to say, and she was just crazy to turn it into a treat.

    YOU are amazing and I love you.