Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Day 2: Dear. . . .

Dear T1 D,
We've been together a very long time. You have long been the unwanted visitor in my life.  You have become part of me, and I cannot break free from you. I sit here tonight writing this letter because you are the biggest "Balance of LIFE!" Whether I want it or not.

Everyday, I feel frustration as I try to control uncontrollable numbers, But am so HAPPY that I have the tools to hold on until we find a cure.

I feel alienated,  ashamed, and embarrassed by the way I am portrayed by the media, yet I have ore of a chance to EDUCATE others about what T1 D really is.

I feel pain both physically and emotionally, but I can GROW, LEARN and show EMPATHY to others because I UNDERSTAND.

I sometimes feel alone, but know I am surrounded by AMAZING FRIENDS!

I sometimes feel scared, doubtful, and cynical, but you force me to have COURAGE, FAITH, and HOPE.

when I feel sorry for myself, I read of brave D MAMAS praying and sitting vigil all night to make sure their child makes it through the night while I PEACEFULLY DREAM.

When I see the Internet full of Blue lit candles, I mourn together with FRIENDS, and am SO THANKFUL for the life I have!

When I worry that one day I won't have a job, I know I have a boss that has stood by me though countless surgeries, Low blood sugars, and bad days. He's NEVER GIVEN UP ON ME!

When I hate you for being partially to blame for "not being a mom", I wake up on Mother's Day to find that my husband had spent most of the night making me a card that is COMFORTING TO ME, and brings me the peace I need to heal and move on. I also receive SUPPORT from my INTERNET FRIENDS, that is so special.

I think of how bad I HATE you, but how STRONG I have become because of you. It may not be in my lifetime, but I do believe there will be a day when T1 D is gone. All I know is that I can stand proud knowing, I didn't let you beat me, that I lived a good life despite you, an that along the way I met the most awesome friends (both cyber and IRL) anyone could ever have.

Sincerely,
Rachael Bott

3 comments:

  1. Just perfect! For every negative thing D can throw at you, you use it to build a positive in yourself. What an inspiration! I know I will use some of your words to encourage Bean along her journey.

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  2. I love, love, love your optimistic outlook! Fantastic letter!

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  3. Me too...love the Optimism.

    I hope that I continue with a mostly optimistic attitude and that Joe will pick-up on that as he starts to take on more and more of his care.

    Have a great day Rach!!!

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