EWWW.... they both start with DIE!!
Yes.... this is a rant about being on diet for less than a week. Yeah.....I'm being a baby right now!
Before you judge and just assume I am an oinker......Just hear me out.
Last night only a few days into my diet, I just snapped! Eating a whole container of fruit meant for the next three days breakfast. I sat on the couch, much like the cookie monster (after cookies became a SOMETIMES food), thinking, "What in the Hell am I doing" not stopping but cramming each perfectly round, squishy raspberry in my mouth, popping each crisp grape between my teeth. IN the moment I felt complete euphoria. On top of the world, not even carb counting or pre bolusing. Not even when Dexter was screaming at me to do something. In a trance with my fingers red from the raspberry juice. AFTER I could have cried as I washed out the green Tupperware container that seemed to be chastising me for being empty. I stared at it, and my "caught" red handed fingers. That night I lay in bed thinking, am I really addicted to FOOD?
Food..... It REALLY is the cornerstone of EVERYTHING in my life! That sounds disguising, but it's true. I work as a Recreation Therapist, and all the parties, outings, and luncheons mean FOOD, and not the diet kind. We all are "supposed" to sit as staff together to the most wonderfully delicious meals prepared by our cook for lunch (covered in butter). Being the oldest of nine kids, we celebrated every holiday to it's fullest, my sister works at the theater and brings yummy popcorn home in huge bags. Going to the park means a picnic, going to the fair means a corndog, birthdays mean cake, and Sunday means Family Dinner. Everyone including me and especially my boyfriend, are AMAZING cooks. Lastly, whenever something has happened, as pathetic as it sounds....... FOOD always tastes good, and makes you forget about the bad times, even if it is just for a moment.
It's not like being an alcoholic. ( Not that I would know, but I am assuming) When you give it up, you never do it again. Dieting means the Jack Daniels is there and you have to consume so much a day, but only so much. It would be better off not eating at all. Sadly, being diabetic you don't have the choice. If you don't eat, your BS drops, your liver makes sugar, and you end up on the roller coaster of YUCK! What's even more sad, is that I know if I just stopping taking insulin, or just small amounts letting my BS run high,the WEIGHT will just POUR off. I know because I have tried both in the past. NOT a smart idea. So here i sit with the decision to suck it up, and do it right to keep my perfect A1c of 5.8, or screw it all up. My doctor says my metabolism is so slow, I could probably eat 800 cals and still maintain. That's pretty crappy. I won't even get started on lack of time to exercise!
But for now, I am going to keep up my 1200 cal diet (soon to be 1000 cals next week, oh and I am not supposed to call it a diet, because it's FOR--E--VER), and try to keep from being a cookie monster. My thoughts, praise, and prayers go out to all those that are trying to diet right now too. It's a rough road, but we are going to do it!!
Oh, the joys!